This post will also become, I think, something of a statement of intent, and there’s no harm in that in the early days of a blog.
Having touched very briefly on how I started to become unwell, I want to take a moment to describe where I am now in the present. In that way I’ll be defining – time-wise – the limits of the blog. Everything between then and now can become subject matter for discussion. But another thing strikes me as I start to write this, and that is that this post demands a great amount of honesty from me. For someone so used to keeping lids on things, writing state-of-the-nation speeches doesn’t come easily.
I want to introduce the idea of A.D.L.s – Activities of Daily Living. These are the minor, usually basic tasks that make up the routine of the day outside of work – taking a shower, dealing with dental care, making breakfast then making a hot meal later in the day, doing the shopping, doing the laundry. I struggle with all of them. Stuff just fails to get done. And it’s very hard to admit this while trying to create the impression of being a competent grown-up. I watch myself struggle with this stuff – I’m incredulous. I have help with shopping from a support worker… It should be very much more straightforward than this, surely??
The reason for this came to my mind shortly before I started working on this blog. My mind is completely dissipated. Totally scattered to the winds. Never mind the bipolar disorder and other diagnoses for now, years of dealing with mental illness have taken a further toll and left my mind orderless and diffused. And the only thing that can make a difference to this state (which is hellish), is me… It’s time to start gathering up my mind again.
When I sat down and wrote my first blog post I felt more whole and still than I have done in years. So my commitment is to continue, but above all to bring all of me to the table. That way I’ll know I’m being as honest as I can be in what I write. And that’s something of a statement of intent….