Faith. (John)

This week I did my topical comedy show with some fellow comedians at the Stand Comedy Club in Newcastle. The show is a panel format where we play various 'games'. For one part of the show we hold a Question Time style segment where the audience get to put any type of question (within reason)…

Cosmic Re-entry Syndrome (Elle)

I've said before that for me, mania isn't plain sailing. It's a long time since I had a 'pure' manic episode characterized by elation and expansiveness and psychosis that reflects that and makes me feel like I'm in control of the universe….. These days when I go up and over it quickly becomes far spikier…

Holding it all Together (Elle)

I feel like I have to spend the best parts of my energies just holding it all together (all the time, regardless of mood state). A constant below the hood and out of sight vigilance just to stop me from flying apart in all directions. Like 'background checks' being run on your computer while you're…

This Poignant Life (Elle)

Ha! Every so often – say once in three or four months, after I've been wandering round the bipolar block – I wake up with a beautiful feeling. I feel like I'm 'myself' again. Back to 'normal'. It's such a blessed feeling that it's hard to describe without an analogy. Think still water – perfectly…

Bipolar Mixed Episodes (Elle)

Basically I'm for anything that gets you through the night – be it prayer, tranquillizers or a bottle of Jack Daniels. (Frank Sinatra) I feel like my brain is full of crushed salt and vinegar crisps and red hot needles. I say this with some sort of satisfaction because I believe it's a better description…

A Rucksack Full of Stones (Elle)

I've tried a few times in this blog to really describe what it feels like to be in my head/body. I thought that was my purpose in writing here, so that other people could  experience and understand it.  But I have a growing disquieting feeling now that it's actually impossible to let another human being share…

The Energy Equation (Elle)

I feel that the experience of mental illness can be a journey. That's how I see it anyhow, though I totally understand those who feel that it's a static unending affliction they'd rather shake free of…. For me it's a journey, and can be a learning and growing experience. (Though perhaps it's just so painful…

A Stone in my Boot (Elle)

Some thoughts about suffering. I love winter boots. I love to spot good boots on other people. They always look solid and comfortable and warm. I was out walking recently when I realised that the back of my heel was starting to rub inside my boot, and this started to colour my thinking. As I…