Thank you (Elle)

I took some fucking lorazepam earlier (!!) so I’m using a wee lull in the stress levels to post up quickly and say thank you for all the good wishes you’ve sent my way.  I really appreciate it.

Stress levels are constantly maxed at the moment – the stresses of being on the ward (I’m very noise-sensitive), the difficulties of dealing with my psychiatry, and the challenge of constantly communicating it all outwards so that the team always know that I’m working on this and making progress.

This week the 28 day detention runs out, and the team are applying to extend this to something called a continued treatment order, that would keep me in hospital a bit longer under section – for up to 6 months, but this can be revoked at any time…..  I face a tribunal so that I can have my voice heard and appeal this new section, but it’ll likely go through in spite of anything I have to say on the matter!

I’m coping by using custard creams and full fat coke as medication;  I’m waiting on the arrival of the ‘fucking lorazepam’ t-shirt;  my friends are all going to send me postcards to overload the ward mail system! In the middle of a crisis the only truth is that some time has to pass.  Psychiatric time is unbearable, but it’s amazing to think that I’ve been here 28 days already……..

I’ve been doing an awful lot of people watching, but I’m tired now, and difficult decisions are ahead. My consultant wants me to take medication that I don’t want to take, and I’m getting awful tired.  I need to keep communicating so that consultant can see that I’m dealing with things, but I’m getting tireder and tireder  – less inclined to communicate out the way.  This blog post was a spur of the moment decision because from here on in it’s not people watching I’ll be doing – I’m going to have to turn inwards and look to myself.  So John’s in charge for a bit – pay close attention!  🙂